We can feel dizzy and disoriented by the swirl of our thoughts and activities. Our modern world includes clock watching, schedules, unending lists, emails to delete, and the loops that play in our minds. The earth circles the sun, time passes, and we circle through food prep, dishes, laundry, diaper changes, carpool lines, work, home. We rise to do it all again, but “the how” we do it is worthy of reflection.
There might be a sticky toddler, a teenager with headphones, or a tired husband asking the age-old question, “What’s for dinner?” in our midst. They might have their own ideas about tidiness, schedules, and timing. As we circle, how do we connect with ourselves? Can we slow a bit to be right where we are present in this moment with our breath, this task, and with the wondrous human beings right in front of us? And maybe, just maybe, with a relaxed breath and two feet planted on the ground, we are calmer versions of ourselves. More awake to life.
What we accomplish (the product) seems to be the measure of success in our culture, but there is often less attention to the how (the process). The key to happiness, better health, and relationships is dependent on how we move through our day. It’s worth noting that the ripple effects of our choices extend to our little, or not so little ones, learning moment by moment from us. There is a real price that we pay for a stressed, sleep-deprived, distracted, multitasking way of being in the world. We grab coffee and less than real food to keep us going, but it only helps us spin our circles a little faster for the short term. How productive are we when we feel scattered? Could presence offer us something more? It’s a question I ask myself. Sometimes as I reach for one more cup of coffee.
It all gets messy when we look at how much busier our mind can be than our bodies. Moms know the feeling of being lost in thought, concerned for our world, and the children we love. Or what about being concerned about our children, adapting to the world? It can loop on and on. When driving my son, I can hear a song on the radio and dive into the past. I imagine little dots that connect as I contemplate the puzzle of the teenager next to me. Then a few seconds later, my mind goes to a place of worry about the future. It’s a pattern. If I am to make it better, I need to recognize it and own it. If I spend too much time with the replay button or the anxious mind, I miss the precious opportunity in front of me. I lose time being truly present with this fantastic human right next to me.
Some people get stuck, replaying the past over and over again. Trauma or mental illness are burdens that rob beautiful souls of connection to their lives, loves, and gifts. Others live in the future with the words “if only…, then…” life would begin or feel happy. If only I lose weight, get the degree, or the job I want, then my life can change. When we live with our thoughts focused on the past or future, we miss out on unwrapping the extraordinary gifts in an ordinary moment. If we look closely at a child’s way of being present in the world, we can learn something about attention, slowing down, and being awake to the richness of life.
Ever notice how calm, happy, and engaged kids are at the beach, by a river, or around a campfire? I am content in those spaces too. My senses come alive with the sights, sounds, smells, and feel of those spaces. The sensory experiences both wake up and calm my body. The mind quiets, and I come to the present moment.
What would help you be where you are? The beach or the river might not be available, but how about a walk outside? Maybe try tucking the phone further away on mute? Maybe taking just a moment to feel your feet on the floor, check in with your breath? Is there tension in your shoulders or jaw that could release? Maybe it’s washing the dishes to wash the dishes with care and attention, instead of rushing. Thich Nhat Hanh offers wisdom that I remember and forget, but I’m happier when I remember.
I am admittedly a big fan of the victory lap after noticeable progress in the garden. Every stay at home Mom with the endless circling of food prep, dishes, and laundry needs those brief moments to step back with a sense of satisfaction. The product does matter too. But maybe your victory lap could include a celebration of how you were present for the task rather than just a checkmark. Could the process, “the how,” matter, and help you to be where you are for your life? Is it possible to see a sticky toddler, teenager with headphones, or a hungry husband with a different perspective? Family life is messy. It’s only a question you can answer, and be ready with that love and grace for yourself if you give it a go. I wish you well wherever you are at this moment.
Mindful Play in Motion, LLC 